Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
