I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
