i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sarcasm needs its own font
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
