i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
