You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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