he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
