And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
