Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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