dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
