I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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