You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
