just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
