I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
nutella sex= disaster
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
