Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
