Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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