do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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