Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
