That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
