Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
