I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
