The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
