woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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