I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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