i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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