paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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