In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
