there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
