he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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