My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
