what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
