We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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