One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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