It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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