You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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