My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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