FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
