I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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