I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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