I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
