I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
