New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
