don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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