I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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