i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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