3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
