Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
