By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
