About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
