We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
