this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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