Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
